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Riverdale Chapters Twenty-Three through Twenty-Eight

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So, maybe you’ve noticed we’ve been a little behind on our Riverdale recaps. It’s been a hard winter. But we’re here for you now, and we’re going to do a quick catch up.

 

The Black Hood

Yep. Solved.

But not until we had some David Lynchian moments that almost made me want to pee my pants.

Turns out it was a random school janitor and that felt like a bit of weird end.

But there you have it. And so we move on.

 

Long-lost Brother

Meet Chic.


He wears a lot of striped crewnecks (his wardrobe is basically boy Betty) and is creepy AF. He’s also apparently not who he says he is.

Too bad Alice Cooper killed for him.

That doesn’t just ruin your cashmere, it’s also going to be a real bummer on the conscience if he’s not actually your kid.

 

Gangsters

It’s official. The Lodge family are a criminal family and everyone in the family is in on it.

Including Archie and I don’t see that ending well. Especially since Archie is going to have to decide between his mob family and his real family when it comes to the issue of turning the former South Side High into For Profit Prison.

 

Blossom Family Fortune

This one is getting weird. Apparently they lost all their money along with their home, so Mrs. Blossom is now a very, very classy sex worker whose look is Boudoir Noir.

I guess. Sure.

Nana Blossom was missing until there was a secret will belonging to Daddy Blossom giving out money to anyone who can prove they’re a Blossom.

Which, of course, brings back SECRET TWIN Claudius Blossom.


He’s in cahoots with Mrs. Blossom and they are plotting against Nana and Cheryl. So we can trust him as much as his brother. God, I love a SECRET TWIN plotline. No soap is worth its salt if you can’t dig up a secret twin.

 

Dark Betty Returns!

She dances for the Serpents. In front of her mother.


I just can’t with that. Not the sexy dance, but the sexy dance with your mom in the audience. As Meatloaf once said, I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. Not even for Jughead. And that’s saying something.

She does a little webcam action.

This plot seems to have fallen by the wayside and I’m kind of glad for it.

And she puts on a show for Jughead.

This one makes total sense. Except for the part where Jughead is not even a little bit surprised that Dark Betty exists.

Of course, other things happen. But do you really care about the fake FBI agent and Archie? Or Archie tries out for wrestling? Probably not. And if you do, someone else has way better plot recaps than I do. Because let’s face it, you’re here for the key looks for this season.

 

Cheryl

Beyond complaining about her mother’s new money-making scheme, most of the latter half of this season has been a little light on Cheryl. They dropped her SWF obsession with Josie like a hot potato. But the return of her father’s secret twin and her friendship with Toni seems to give me hope for more. But a light plot line doesn’t mean her wardrobe suffered. Not even a little bit.

Because while they keep telling me that the Blossoms are no longer rich, she’s still got the wardrobe of a rich girl and what TV tells me is the hobby of the rich (I know we all watched A Christmas Prince. Archery was totally for the royals of random nation).

But that plaid jacket with her signature pin is aces. And totally OG Heather Chandler-esque.

As we’ve seen over and over, Cheryl is not really pro-pants.

But if you could wear skirts that short with boots that high, wouldn’t you?

However, when she does go for pants, it’s like she’s vying for a spot on the Norwegian curling team.

Or a spot on Nashville.

And get ready for Choni y’all.

Not sure why Toni has a jacket identical to Jughead’s though, maybe it’s a South Side thing. But I’m here for her hair and her My So-Called Life aesthetic.

 

That Confirmation Episode

Which was basically a full on introduction into the shady world of Northeastern American and Canadian gangsters, like Papa Poutine. Who is not impressed by your American Poutine and nor should he be because poutine is a very, very specific thing (like Pops tried to serve it without a proper cheese curd, which is basically heretical in the world of poutine). The mob stuff, even with a murder, wasn’t nearly as interesting as how well Catholic chic worked out for all the young ladies of Riverdale.

Veronica is obviously the star of the show in what is basically a white satin version of her day wear.

I’m not saying this isn’t delightful, I’m just saying she loves a fitted bodice, full skirt and pearl embellishments. I would be remiss if I didn’t stop to say “damnnnn” to Hermione’s emerald green, wide-legged pantsuit. We did not get treated to enough of that.

And I’m not going to lie, but that much white satin at a public event will always make me worry that a Say Anything moment is about to happen to a girl. Look, I’ve read one too many stories that ended with “and everyone knew my period started.” So I’m just hoping that Veronica’s Aunt Flo isn’t joining her other family members for the event. Because walking up the aisle singing Bittersweet Symphony does not need to end with stains. (Save that for dripping cocktail sauce on your skirt when you hit up the shrimp at the party. Just me?)

Josie may have eye rolled hard at the thought of a Bittersweet Symphony duet with Veronica, but she brought it when the time came to sing.

That studded number with a slight ruffle to the sleeve is a goddamn delight and no one can ever say she’s not a professional.

Betty goes girly in a blush dress and is basically the most adorable with Jughead in suspenders.

These two are so damn cute. If you haven’t caught up, they finally managed to get back together and avoid interruptions so they could fully get it on. Mazel tov, kids!
Betty

Maybe it’s because she saved the town from a serial killer. Or maybe because she and Jughead had another breakup, but little has changed to her style and the Bettyness of her wardrobe is as strong as ever.

Great booties though.

I’m feeling conflicted about Betty’s overalls.

Part of me wants to hate them. Part of me wants to embrace this look wholeheartedly, but another part of me is scared to see this trend return. I remember the last time we all embraced overalls and it wasn’t good.

Betty seems to want to get on the hygge bandwagon with the pattern on this sweater.

I’m not sure it’s quite hygge (TBH, I still don’t get hygge), but she’s basically the poster girl for adorable, fitted crewneck sweaters. I mean, just look at the retro après ski feel of this one.

 

 

Veronica

Veronica is taking pearls beyond the strand and taking a page from the Betty Cooper book of bejewelled collars.

And wearing her glasses a lot more.

There’s something about a stylish teen with cute reading glasses that I really appreciate.

She also continues her love for a conservative plunge in her necklines at school.

And for a high v-neck.

They’re both great looks for showcasing a pearl necklace. I also feel like it’s just the right plunge that she can still get away with one of those comfortable Knixwear bras, which is the hallmark of a unicorn of a dress.

And my favourite look of the season for her?

She straight up slays with this swim cover for double date weekend at the family’s “rustic” cottage.

 

Josie

Not unlike Cheryl, Josie has had a very light plotline during the back half of the season. Veronica legit tries to steal her band, which is wildly uncool, but barely a blip on the plot-o-meter.

Veronica and the Pussycats just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

But Josie has a poker face of steel.

A little shade, but like I said, she’s a professional. Keeping a straight face is also necessary if you’re going to skin a muppet and wear it to the town festival like this is perfectly normal fall outerwear.

She echoes that confirmation dress when she stands by her mom as she resigns as Riverdale’s mayor.

The body-con seems a little much for your mom’s resignation speech, but given that she wore a muppet, I feel as though Josie has a healthy amount of DGAF when it comes to choosing her outfits.

While she and Kevin Keller are wildly underused this season, that doesn’t stop her from having a time with her hair (1-2 new styles per episode) or great outfits. My favourite is the fun double buns paired with an animal print for a casual evening at the movies and confronting your parents about their affair.

Now if only they’d give her and Kevin something to do other than play sidekicks.

 

Midge

We haven’t actually seen much of Moose and Midge since Midge was getting into the jingle jangle drug plotline before Christmas and was almost killed by the Black Hood. I’m only bringing her up because what I am seeing is not good and we need to discuss.


Who thought a ruffled turtleneck was a good idea? Am I so behind on fashion that I didn’t notice that teens are going for the middle-aged cat lady look? Does the costume department hate this actress? I’m just going to go ahead and assume they do considering their commitment to the other characters. (But for reals, comic book Midge indicates that Midge should be way cuter than a ruffled turt collar).

 

And I think that gets us all caught up on our Riverdale. Did we miss anything?


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